Beautifully written. Two of my favorite prayers are, "Mary, be a mother to me now," and "Blessed Mother, fill in the gaps of my motherhood." She continues to carry me through each day, especially because I cannot go to my own mom (for various reasons) for lots of support in the day-to-day challenges of mothering small children. And I totally agree that two is easier than one! I have three boys now, and even though the first year with three felt like an almost constant uphill climb, my motherhood muscles are stronger and the adjustment feels complete.
Thank you Christina. I love those prayers, I will be saying those for myself. I cannot put into words how much I have been blessed by learning to love and honour the Blessed Mother of God.
I am so glad you published this, because it is so relatable to me. Those fears and feelings of inadequacy, the thing about resilience having to be something we learn and build over time - not something we're born with. Nearly everything you write rings true to my own experience as a mother of 8. That needing some challenge in order to grow/stretch ourselves to increase our capacity is often necessary, though admittedly painful: it doesn't mean we're failing. Thank you for writing this, and for your honesty and vulnerability. And the answers to your mom's prayers - just beautiful! When can I ask for her intercession? :-)
Thank you so much Melisa, it means so much to hear that you appreciated this piece and that it rang true to your own experience. God bless you and your family.
What a beautiful testimony to the love of the Mother of God! She appeared to an agnostic friend of my mom’s in a ER in Mexico in the 80s and provided comfort. That friend converted to Catholicism. Orthodox monks at monasteries in countries that are now predominantly Muslim bear witness to how she intercedes for Muslim who ask for her prayers. Of course her desire is for all to confess Jesus Christ as Lord and God, but she prays for us even when we aren’t there yet!
I have been coming to terms with how that old “Protestant Work Ethic” has kept me from asking for help from the Theotokos, the Saints, and Christ himself. Life circumstances that left me helpless have driven me to ask for intercession in recent years and the comfort and care I have received has humbled me.
Wow, that is amazing to hear about how Mary intercedes even for those of other faiths. I am saddened when I think of how I used to disregard her and didn’t understand what a gift to us she is.
Yea, I feel the same with the Protestant Work Ethic…I am naturally very bad at seeking help but motherhood humbled me.
Yes. It was a gamechanger for me when I realized oh, I don’t have to do this all on my own! I can (truly) rely on something higher and wiser in this massive task of mothering. I’m still untangling my tendency to rely completely and totally on myself. I’m actually decent at asking for help from other human beings, but foundationally I still often feel like it’s all on me (to organize the help properly, etc)🫠 The understanding that not only can I ask for help spiritually but *also* that I’m simply held, seen, witnessed by the Divine has also been a big realization, as isolation and loneliness has been a huge theme for me in early motherhood as well.
Thank you Amber, yes, the tendency to rely on ourselves and our own strength is so strong! I love what you said about being simply seen and held by the Divine, I feel that too.
Thank you for such an authentic and uplifting article. It is amazing how motherhood divests us of the notion that we are self-sufficient and in control! It is such a wonderful opportunity for transformation. I have had a similar renewed understanding of prayer. There have been times as a mother when I have never felt so humbled or so out of my depth. There were times I prayed on my knees with my whole soul. My friend advised me to keep a prayer journal. Looking back through the prayer journal, it is amazing to see where God has been at work in our hearts and lives. All the best to you and your family! xo
Thank you Katy, I am so encouraged to hear of your own experience with prayer. A prayer journal is such a good idea, I know I don’t remember all the things I and so I don’t realise when God has answered! Even so, I feel amazed when I look back and see how God has been at work! Blessings to you and your family x
I think first time motherhood is a lot like doing your taxes. It is very overwhelming the first time. Then you go through it, save a template of your answers. The subsequent years are just variations on a theme, but basically the same. I guess it also does help if you have a hard, needy baby the first time around.
I had a very needy baby the first time around to the extent that my second baby, including clusterfeeding, felt relaxing. I went into my second child’s infancy ready for war, when to my surprise, she unlatched when she was full and went to sleep drowsy but awake, and hardly ever got upset about anything. That was a revelation. But even so, I learned about babies from my hard baby also applied to easier babies, just to a lesser extent. And I think having the hard baby first really helped me contextualize all the baby related challenges. Having met a lot of moms and babies now, I also learned babies have a wide range of normal and healthy behaviors.
So while managing 2 under 2 was always going to be stressful, it’s not so much that the babyhood itself was a major stressor. At least I’m not learning about babies at the same time. It’s the juggling. But honestly, juggling is fine, if tiring. The hardest part about babyhood for me, was being confronted with the enormous task in front of me, feeling like I knew nothing and everything I did was probably wrong. I didn’t know what was normal, what succeeding or failing as a mother looked like, etc. So I’m very glad I’m no longer a first time mom.
Sounds like we had similar first babies! I can relate to feeling like things were comparatively easy with my second, she is generally the happiest little thing and requires so much less input from me.
I totally agree that the hard part of motherhood is the scale of the task, feeling like you are so inadequately equipped for it, and having no clue what you were doing well and what you were doing poorly. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
So relatable, Becca - so glad you wrote this and shared it! I tell friends struggling with their first (who often say something like 'but who am I to complain with only one baby!') I TRULY find two kids so much easier than one. *nothing* is harder than that first baby and foray into motherhood. I actually almost believe it now when a wise mother of 6 told me it was easier than her first! I can see it now! And yes, there are things I do with two (still very little) girls all on my own that would be baffling and seem impossible to me when I was toting around my first newborn like she was a delicate china doll. I also remember the horror when my husband when back to work (a week after she was born and I was terrified) - the first time I drove her in the car by myself - the first stroller walk alone - all of these felt like big mountains to climb. Now, when my husband was out for the night I took my 3 year old and 1 year old out to a restaurant by myself and had a great time. I could NOT imagine that even 6 months ago! Motherhood doesn't necessarily get easier, but you DO grow, everyday, and you become more and more capable than you realize. It has been the single biggest character development in my life. And yes, 100% yes, you need Grace, and a lot of it. I am always grateful for confession and a fresh start and knowing I'm not in this on my own, ever.
Thank you Katie! I also find life easier with two. So much of what you say rings absolutely true to my own experience, especially this,
“Motherhood doesn't necessarily get easier, but you DO grow, everyday, and you become more and more capable than you realize. It has been the single biggest character development in my life.”
I had postpartum anxiety (which I didn't know was a thing and so never told anyone about) with my first and was not well for months. With my second, I went to a church garage sale when he was two weeks old because that sounded fun. At six weeks postpartum with my second, I danced at my brother's wedding until midnight (and did not wet my pants!).
For me, I think it wasn't just "second babies are easier," but in my first labor I bruised my tailbone and had lightning pain randomly and regularly in which I dropped whatever I was holding, this plus a baby who didn't sleep for any long stretches meant I was in pain, couldn't go from sitting to standing unaided, was exhausted to the point of insanity (I got up an extra time every night for weeks to check the bottom of the stairs, because I was convinced by my anxious, crazy brain that I had thrown my baby down the stairs and she was dead), AND everything was new. With my second, I had no tearing, my physical recovery from labor was incredible (he had a couple days in the NICU and I was walking unaided from my room, down long hospital hallways, to his room and back at least four times a day, immediately after giving birth), and when we got home, he was a champion sleeper.
When people saw how well I was after my second, they'd almost always say brightly, "Second babies are easier!" And I felt compelled to say each time, that that statement seemed to dismiss these very real and very different physical and mental factors I experienced.
I don't like having my blessings and my sufferings and my work thrown out and a platitude slapped on like a bumper sticker. *My* second baby was easier *for me,* for a variety of reasons that were mostly in God's hands and not in my control.
If you're told "second babies are easier" when you're pregnant with your second, and then you have a hard physical recovery or postpartum depression, won't remembering that statement only make you feel like you're failing? And that it's easier for everyone else but you're just "not resilient"...?
Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your story, post partum anxiety is so awful and I also suffered with no diagnosis and no real awareness of what it was. I can also SO relate to feeling like everything was very quick to say “second babies are easier” when I knew that you couldn’t just reduce my two almost opposite experiences to that alone. And totally agree that this mindset completely disregards and undermines mothers for whom their second baby is NOT easier.
I so appreciate you sharINg pieces of your HeART and pilgrimage IN Faith 🤍 I have found it so profoundly valuable to Root INto The Truth that I AM not self-made — and that WE are not islands of self-sufficiency. It’s not weakness to depend on God, it’s WISDOM. Embracement of exhalation to Eternal identity means RESTING IN His INeffable embrace 🕊️🌿🍃 AMEN. God Bless you Sister!
Ah I love your Mary stories. So cool. I love that you found the diamond instead of learning some lesson about detachment from material possessions or something. Beauty is good :)
Beautifully written. Two of my favorite prayers are, "Mary, be a mother to me now," and "Blessed Mother, fill in the gaps of my motherhood." She continues to carry me through each day, especially because I cannot go to my own mom (for various reasons) for lots of support in the day-to-day challenges of mothering small children. And I totally agree that two is easier than one! I have three boys now, and even though the first year with three felt like an almost constant uphill climb, my motherhood muscles are stronger and the adjustment feels complete.
Thank you Christina. I love those prayers, I will be saying those for myself. I cannot put into words how much I have been blessed by learning to love and honour the Blessed Mother of God.
I am so glad you published this, because it is so relatable to me. Those fears and feelings of inadequacy, the thing about resilience having to be something we learn and build over time - not something we're born with. Nearly everything you write rings true to my own experience as a mother of 8. That needing some challenge in order to grow/stretch ourselves to increase our capacity is often necessary, though admittedly painful: it doesn't mean we're failing. Thank you for writing this, and for your honesty and vulnerability. And the answers to your mom's prayers - just beautiful! When can I ask for her intercession? :-)
God bless you and yours, Melisa
Thank you so much Melisa, it means so much to hear that you appreciated this piece and that it rang true to your own experience. God bless you and your family.
What a beautiful testimony to the love of the Mother of God! She appeared to an agnostic friend of my mom’s in a ER in Mexico in the 80s and provided comfort. That friend converted to Catholicism. Orthodox monks at monasteries in countries that are now predominantly Muslim bear witness to how she intercedes for Muslim who ask for her prayers. Of course her desire is for all to confess Jesus Christ as Lord and God, but she prays for us even when we aren’t there yet!
I have been coming to terms with how that old “Protestant Work Ethic” has kept me from asking for help from the Theotokos, the Saints, and Christ himself. Life circumstances that left me helpless have driven me to ask for intercession in recent years and the comfort and care I have received has humbled me.
Wow, that is amazing to hear about how Mary intercedes even for those of other faiths. I am saddened when I think of how I used to disregard her and didn’t understand what a gift to us she is.
Yea, I feel the same with the Protestant Work Ethic…I am naturally very bad at seeking help but motherhood humbled me.
Yes. It was a gamechanger for me when I realized oh, I don’t have to do this all on my own! I can (truly) rely on something higher and wiser in this massive task of mothering. I’m still untangling my tendency to rely completely and totally on myself. I’m actually decent at asking for help from other human beings, but foundationally I still often feel like it’s all on me (to organize the help properly, etc)🫠 The understanding that not only can I ask for help spiritually but *also* that I’m simply held, seen, witnessed by the Divine has also been a big realization, as isolation and loneliness has been a huge theme for me in early motherhood as well.
Beautiful post.
Thank you Amber, yes, the tendency to rely on ourselves and our own strength is so strong! I love what you said about being simply seen and held by the Divine, I feel that too.
Thank you for such an authentic and uplifting article. It is amazing how motherhood divests us of the notion that we are self-sufficient and in control! It is such a wonderful opportunity for transformation. I have had a similar renewed understanding of prayer. There have been times as a mother when I have never felt so humbled or so out of my depth. There were times I prayed on my knees with my whole soul. My friend advised me to keep a prayer journal. Looking back through the prayer journal, it is amazing to see where God has been at work in our hearts and lives. All the best to you and your family! xo
Thank you Katy, I am so encouraged to hear of your own experience with prayer. A prayer journal is such a good idea, I know I don’t remember all the things I and so I don’t realise when God has answered! Even so, I feel amazed when I look back and see how God has been at work! Blessings to you and your family x
MOST HOLY THEOTOKOS SAVE US! ☦️🌐
This was a wonderful read. I’m not a mother (yet) but it was so encouraging to see this perspective. Thank you!
Thank you Jenni, I'm so glad this was an encouragement to you.
I think first time motherhood is a lot like doing your taxes. It is very overwhelming the first time. Then you go through it, save a template of your answers. The subsequent years are just variations on a theme, but basically the same. I guess it also does help if you have a hard, needy baby the first time around.
I had a very needy baby the first time around to the extent that my second baby, including clusterfeeding, felt relaxing. I went into my second child’s infancy ready for war, when to my surprise, she unlatched when she was full and went to sleep drowsy but awake, and hardly ever got upset about anything. That was a revelation. But even so, I learned about babies from my hard baby also applied to easier babies, just to a lesser extent. And I think having the hard baby first really helped me contextualize all the baby related challenges. Having met a lot of moms and babies now, I also learned babies have a wide range of normal and healthy behaviors.
So while managing 2 under 2 was always going to be stressful, it’s not so much that the babyhood itself was a major stressor. At least I’m not learning about babies at the same time. It’s the juggling. But honestly, juggling is fine, if tiring. The hardest part about babyhood for me, was being confronted with the enormous task in front of me, feeling like I knew nothing and everything I did was probably wrong. I didn’t know what was normal, what succeeding or failing as a mother looked like, etc. So I’m very glad I’m no longer a first time mom.
Sounds like we had similar first babies! I can relate to feeling like things were comparatively easy with my second, she is generally the happiest little thing and requires so much less input from me.
I totally agree that the hard part of motherhood is the scale of the task, feeling like you are so inadequately equipped for it, and having no clue what you were doing well and what you were doing poorly. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
So relatable, Becca - so glad you wrote this and shared it! I tell friends struggling with their first (who often say something like 'but who am I to complain with only one baby!') I TRULY find two kids so much easier than one. *nothing* is harder than that first baby and foray into motherhood. I actually almost believe it now when a wise mother of 6 told me it was easier than her first! I can see it now! And yes, there are things I do with two (still very little) girls all on my own that would be baffling and seem impossible to me when I was toting around my first newborn like she was a delicate china doll. I also remember the horror when my husband when back to work (a week after she was born and I was terrified) - the first time I drove her in the car by myself - the first stroller walk alone - all of these felt like big mountains to climb. Now, when my husband was out for the night I took my 3 year old and 1 year old out to a restaurant by myself and had a great time. I could NOT imagine that even 6 months ago! Motherhood doesn't necessarily get easier, but you DO grow, everyday, and you become more and more capable than you realize. It has been the single biggest character development in my life. And yes, 100% yes, you need Grace, and a lot of it. I am always grateful for confession and a fresh start and knowing I'm not in this on my own, ever.
Thank you Katie! I also find life easier with two. So much of what you say rings absolutely true to my own experience, especially this,
“Motherhood doesn't necessarily get easier, but you DO grow, everyday, and you become more and more capable than you realize. It has been the single biggest character development in my life.”
Love this, thanks for sharing.
I had postpartum anxiety (which I didn't know was a thing and so never told anyone about) with my first and was not well for months. With my second, I went to a church garage sale when he was two weeks old because that sounded fun. At six weeks postpartum with my second, I danced at my brother's wedding until midnight (and did not wet my pants!).
For me, I think it wasn't just "second babies are easier," but in my first labor I bruised my tailbone and had lightning pain randomly and regularly in which I dropped whatever I was holding, this plus a baby who didn't sleep for any long stretches meant I was in pain, couldn't go from sitting to standing unaided, was exhausted to the point of insanity (I got up an extra time every night for weeks to check the bottom of the stairs, because I was convinced by my anxious, crazy brain that I had thrown my baby down the stairs and she was dead), AND everything was new. With my second, I had no tearing, my physical recovery from labor was incredible (he had a couple days in the NICU and I was walking unaided from my room, down long hospital hallways, to his room and back at least four times a day, immediately after giving birth), and when we got home, he was a champion sleeper.
When people saw how well I was after my second, they'd almost always say brightly, "Second babies are easier!" And I felt compelled to say each time, that that statement seemed to dismiss these very real and very different physical and mental factors I experienced.
I don't like having my blessings and my sufferings and my work thrown out and a platitude slapped on like a bumper sticker. *My* second baby was easier *for me,* for a variety of reasons that were mostly in God's hands and not in my control.
If you're told "second babies are easier" when you're pregnant with your second, and then you have a hard physical recovery or postpartum depression, won't remembering that statement only make you feel like you're failing? And that it's easier for everyone else but you're just "not resilient"...?
Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your story, post partum anxiety is so awful and I also suffered with no diagnosis and no real awareness of what it was. I can also SO relate to feeling like everything was very quick to say “second babies are easier” when I knew that you couldn’t just reduce my two almost opposite experiences to that alone. And totally agree that this mindset completely disregards and undermines mothers for whom their second baby is NOT easier.
I so appreciate you sharINg pieces of your HeART and pilgrimage IN Faith 🤍 I have found it so profoundly valuable to Root INto The Truth that I AM not self-made — and that WE are not islands of self-sufficiency. It’s not weakness to depend on God, it’s WISDOM. Embracement of exhalation to Eternal identity means RESTING IN His INeffable embrace 🕊️🌿🍃 AMEN. God Bless you Sister!
Thank you Anja. I really appreciate your encouragement.
Ah I love your Mary stories. So cool. I love that you found the diamond instead of learning some lesson about detachment from material possessions or something. Beauty is good :)
Appreciated this very much. And ALSO.... please continue reading your essays. I love it so much.
Thank you Haley. I will do my best to keep up with the audio versions…good to know that there is at least person who appreciates them!