I really enjoyed your explorations within this piece, Becca. Give me a decade more of motherhood and I might have completely different thoughts in response, but recently I've been wondering how much of motherhood being perceived as paradox comes from so many of us carrying deep notions of how the world works that ONLY apply to specific stages of life or specific experiences, rather than carrying us through from girlhood to womanhood and then motherhood (and elderhood). Could it be that the paradox simply arises where we need greater vision, or an understanding that encompasses more of reality than what we've so far perceived?
Interesting idea, thanks, I will ponder this! It may be so. Certainly pre-motherhood I didn't realise this. But when I talk to older women (my mum and other maternal figures had passed away before I could ask), they don't seem to realise (or admit??) that there is any paradox. I've only come across like-minded people at online places like here.
Thank you Jan! I hear you about how our perspective is likely to change over time, I feel that too.
“Could it be that the paradox simply arises where we need greater vision, or an understanding that encompasses more of reality than what we've so far perceived?” Love this! Definitely think this could be the case.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I’m glad you enjoyed my ramblings!
I think paradoxes like that of motherhood do not need to be solved and are rather an “icon” of the many paradoxes at the heart of God (Jesus being fully God and fully human, born of a virgin, the bodily resurrection, etc etc).
Along those lines, how I am trying to grow more comfortable with that tension is by leaning into the otherworldliness of Christian faith.
We’re supposed to renew and transform our minds by the power of the Holy Spirit, not being conformed to this world. And so I’m learning to get more comfortable with not needing to fit into a box or satisfy the expectations of society.
I hope that by doing so I will show my daughters that their worth does not come from what others think of them but from living the life that God wants for them as well as from His fatherly love for them. When we are worried about what others think of us, it also keeps us from truly loving them. I hope that by untethering myself from society’s expectations, and conforming to God’s expectations, I am increasing my own internal freedom and that of my family.
I love the thoughts you have shared here. It’s so true that Christianity contains many paradoxes, and I think you’re absolutely right that we don’t need to solve them. This is something I have also been reflecting on lately, I’ve been reading Orthodoxy by GK Chesterton and it’s something he talks about quite a lot.
I hadn’t thought so much about the tension between the pressure to conform to the world and the will of God, but that is such a great insight!
I'm in a similar position as you, I believe. Also with a baby and toddler (and a husband who does all the cleaning!), and realizing how much motherhood has brought joys greater than I could have imagined, but also curtailed certain pursuits that I'm really missing, especially the intellectual life. Lately on my worst days I'm trying to lean into the idea that this particular phase is just a season in motherhood, and I'm trying to learn from more seasoned moms. Of course, I know each phase comes with its own challenges, but it's helpful to realize that some of the hardest aspects right now—crying, bodily fluids of all sorts, never being alone—will pass fairly quickly in the scheme of things. Or so they say! Oh, and you should read Fairer Disputations, which often tries to reckon with just these questions (full disclosure, I'm the managing editor).
Hi Melody, husbands who do the cleaning are just the BEST aren’t they?! I completely agree that remembering that these things are just a season can be so helpful, my mum is great at reminding me of that. I have definitely found it much easier to cope with things like sleepless nights with my second, even having the perspective of my first child growing up a little has helped me realise that all these things will pass in time.
I do read Fairer Disputations! I really enjoy it, love that you are discussing these questions.
I really enjoyed your explorations within this piece, Becca. Give me a decade more of motherhood and I might have completely different thoughts in response, but recently I've been wondering how much of motherhood being perceived as paradox comes from so many of us carrying deep notions of how the world works that ONLY apply to specific stages of life or specific experiences, rather than carrying us through from girlhood to womanhood and then motherhood (and elderhood). Could it be that the paradox simply arises where we need greater vision, or an understanding that encompasses more of reality than what we've so far perceived?
Interesting idea, thanks, I will ponder this! It may be so. Certainly pre-motherhood I didn't realise this. But when I talk to older women (my mum and other maternal figures had passed away before I could ask), they don't seem to realise (or admit??) that there is any paradox. I've only come across like-minded people at online places like here.
Thank you Jan! I hear you about how our perspective is likely to change over time, I feel that too.
“Could it be that the paradox simply arises where we need greater vision, or an understanding that encompasses more of reality than what we've so far perceived?” Love this! Definitely think this could be the case.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I’m glad you enjoyed my ramblings!
Beautiful reflection, Becca!
I think paradoxes like that of motherhood do not need to be solved and are rather an “icon” of the many paradoxes at the heart of God (Jesus being fully God and fully human, born of a virgin, the bodily resurrection, etc etc).
Along those lines, how I am trying to grow more comfortable with that tension is by leaning into the otherworldliness of Christian faith.
We’re supposed to renew and transform our minds by the power of the Holy Spirit, not being conformed to this world. And so I’m learning to get more comfortable with not needing to fit into a box or satisfy the expectations of society.
I hope that by doing so I will show my daughters that their worth does not come from what others think of them but from living the life that God wants for them as well as from His fatherly love for them. When we are worried about what others think of us, it also keeps us from truly loving them. I hope that by untethering myself from society’s expectations, and conforming to God’s expectations, I am increasing my own internal freedom and that of my family.
Hi Catie,
I love the thoughts you have shared here. It’s so true that Christianity contains many paradoxes, and I think you’re absolutely right that we don’t need to solve them. This is something I have also been reflecting on lately, I’ve been reading Orthodoxy by GK Chesterton and it’s something he talks about quite a lot.
I hadn’t thought so much about the tension between the pressure to conform to the world and the will of God, but that is such a great insight!
I'm in a similar position as you, I believe. Also with a baby and toddler (and a husband who does all the cleaning!), and realizing how much motherhood has brought joys greater than I could have imagined, but also curtailed certain pursuits that I'm really missing, especially the intellectual life. Lately on my worst days I'm trying to lean into the idea that this particular phase is just a season in motherhood, and I'm trying to learn from more seasoned moms. Of course, I know each phase comes with its own challenges, but it's helpful to realize that some of the hardest aspects right now—crying, bodily fluids of all sorts, never being alone—will pass fairly quickly in the scheme of things. Or so they say! Oh, and you should read Fairer Disputations, which often tries to reckon with just these questions (full disclosure, I'm the managing editor).
Hi Melody, husbands who do the cleaning are just the BEST aren’t they?! I completely agree that remembering that these things are just a season can be so helpful, my mum is great at reminding me of that. I have definitely found it much easier to cope with things like sleepless nights with my second, even having the perspective of my first child growing up a little has helped me realise that all these things will pass in time.
I do read Fairer Disputations! I really enjoy it, love that you are discussing these questions.